Tuesday, November 30, 2010

How to Win Your Mother Over to Your Way of Thinking in 3 Easy Steps

Parents. Don’t we all love them. I love my parents very much. Really. I do. But sometimes they just drive me crazy. Here’s the deal: my mom wants to me to practice my profession – which is nursing. I want to follow my passion – real estate. I know my mom only wants the best for me. 

“Alex, why don’t you just try working in Canada as a nurse for a few years? Then when you’ve saved up enough money, come back here, and do real estate.”

See? She has a point. That does seem like a smart plan. Work abroad, save, come back here and do whatever you want. But my point is I want to start doing what I love now. Why wait when I can begin right now? So many things can change in a year. The lure of a huge monthly salary might be too much for me to resist. Once I become accustomed to it I might not be able to give it up. I don’t want to be trapped in the rat race.

 I used to think that it takes money to make money. But after I attended Trace Trajano’s Think Rich Quick Seminar in Manila last October, I realized that my belief was totally wrong.  Everything that you need to succeed is already within you. And all you have to do is exercise your mind a bit and then actually do something. Action beats inaction anytime.

So how did I win my mom over to my way of thinking?

First, I agreed with her. Yes. I agreed with her. Disagreeing with someone will only put them in a defensive position. And you do not want that. So I said, “Yes mom, you’re absolutely right. Going to Canada could really be a good move for me because there are so many opportunities there. Plus, I could earn a lot every month.”

Second, give appreciation. Now I do not mean flattery. What I mean is sincere and honest appreciation. People can tell whether you are sincere or not – especially mothers. Appreciation will decrease people’s tendency to become defensive and will cause them to be more receptive to what you have to say.
Alex: “Mom, I really appreciate you looking out for my welfare. I know you only want the best for me.”

Third, I got her to say “yes”.  If you want to win an argument do not start it in the first place. Or else you’ll only succeed in strengthening that other person’s convictions. So the better thing to do is to get that person to say a series of “yes, yes, yes” right from the start.

Alex:  “Mom, I’d like to ask you a question though. Do you believe that I can succeed in whatever I choose?”

Mom: “Of course you can.” (It doesn’t even matter if you really can’t. Moms are trained to say that. It’s like a reflex.)

Alex: Then do you believe that I can succeed in real estate?

Mom: Well, I guess so.

Alex: Mom, do you want me to be happy?

Mom: Yes. Of course I do. (Another mom reflex)

Alex: Then you wouldn’t want me to do something that would make me sad, right?

Mom: Well-yes.

Alex: Real Estate makes me happy. So I guess you’re going to support me on my decision to go full time on real estate.

Mom: Well….I suppose I could.

See? Once you get the person to say “yes” it gets the ball rolling in an affirmative direction. So never ever negate. That will only start up an argument which no one will win. So it’s just a waste of time. See how easy it is? Do you now realize the benefits that good communication skills can give you? The art of public speaking is useful not only when speaking in front of a crowd but also in normal conversation.

What about you? What do you want to do? You only have one life. You’d better start living it NOW. If you want to be a dancer, then dance. If you want to be a best-selling author, then write. If you want to be the next Michael Jordan, they start playing ball now. No dream is too irrelevant or ambitious to pursue. The key here is to find out what you want; what you are passionate about and go do it. No ifs, no buts, no excuses.  And if you’re mom disagrees, try using this 3-step technique. Use it correctly and I guaranty that you will never lose an argument again.

Now, go live your dreams! :)


  1. I love it lex! :) Great way of applying Dale Carnegie's techniques!

    To everyone who is reading this blog, take the time to read Dale Carnegies "How to win friends and influence people". It will change the way you handle situations that involve transactions, negotiations, and basically anything that involves communication.

  2. Thanks Cheek! The principles I learned in Dale Carnegies book are very useful. Everyone should take the time to read it. Cheeky's right. It will really change how you see and handle people.It's one of the best books I've ever read.